Chapter 8: Revising An Earlier Statement: It’s Okay To Go Out And Come In Again
“Giving yourself permission to “go out and come in again” is one of the kindest things you can do for yourself.”
Steps to Take When Revising
1. Let the other person know that you have had some second thoughts and make sure you have their attention; invite them into a conversation.
2. Don’t make excuses. Take responsibility for your words or deeds.
3. Report what has changed for you.
4. Listen to what the other person has to say, and aim to be more present this time.
Revising an Earlier Statement
- Often when you learn how your actions have affected another person, you feel sincere regret or empathy or you see more of the whole picture and realize that you were reacting from a pattern.
- Sharing your afterthoughts is a way of clearing things up.
- When you realize your actions have harmed another person, offering to make amends is another way of clearing things up.
- Sometimes after you state what you wish you’d done or said differently, the other person joins you and makes a revision of her own.
- When these tools for revising an earlier statement are used by people in a conflict situation, they usually foster a softer, more openhearted attitude between conflicting parties.
- After you use this truth skill for a while, you will probably notice that the gap between when you could have said something and when you actually do gets smaller. By going out and coming in again, you train yourself to be more present the next time. You will also become more humble and more self-forgiving.