Chapter 11: Embracing the Silence of Not Knowing: Entering the Fertile Void
“Authentic communication depends as much on silence as it does on words… Silence is needed to allow your words to sink in. You also hear yourself better when there are silences. Listening to yourself is an essential ingredient for being present. Silence between words also provides room for new ideas and feelings to gestate and take form – your and the other person’s.”
“In ancient mythology, the void or the silence was seen as the emptiness out of which all things are created. In all cultures, the void is a powerful symbol. It is the ground of creation, the sea out of which new life emerges. It is also associated with death, the unknown. And for some unknown reason, people tend to fear the unknown.”
“Stand still. Don’t hurry to get off the stage. Take your applause.”
“After you say something, pause and take in the fact that the other is now receiving what you just said.”
“Human communication is an alive, ever-changing creation – it is created, re-created, and cocreated in each moment. And creation requires patience: the ability to tolerate emptiness.”
“Listen, pause, check in, feel, and then respond genuinely.”
“The willingness to just be here with another person, not knowing the outcome, opens up vast new possibilities – unpredictable and uncontrollable. As we learn to trust the silence, we learn to trust the unknown and the chaotic, which I suspect are where true creativity springs from.”
Practices to Support Embracing Silence
1. Word fasting (agree to be totally silent the whole time for a day, you can do this with a friend; go hiking, explore nature; all nonverbal contact is permitted, no notes, no sign language).
2. Partying without words
3. Free association (Freud technique; you lie on a bed or on the floor and when something to say bubbles up from either of our subconsciouses, we speak it aloud.
4. Meditation
Embracing Silence
- When you pause and allow silences between your words, you become more present. You allow deeper levels of truth to emerge from your subconscious.
- Embracing silence gives you a chance to fully experience what you feel and to fully take in what you are hearing.
- Pause before speaking – to check in with yourself, to get grounded in your bodily sensations, and to connect with the other. During this silence, energy is building to support the contact between you.
- Take your applause.
- Try the Quaker-meeting format in a group you belong to.
- Practice meditation regularly to help you learn to be still within. This practice opens up channels of listening to yourself that you would not otherwise be sensitive to.
- Notice how often you ask and how often you tell, how often you make space and how often you take space. A balance of both is best.
- Help your mind learn to tolerate and value silence by practicing word fasting and free association with a partner.
- To really make contact with another person, you must be willing to enter into a realm of uncertainty together. Be willing to become unattached to what’s coming next, to embrace uncertainty, ambiguity, and even potential chaos.